dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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