the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
