i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
