Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
