I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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