I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
