I hate all girls vehemently.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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