So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
