wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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