So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
