Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
