The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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