so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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