"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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