Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
