I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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