thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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