It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
