More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
