Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You are the jesus of drinking
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
