I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's the barista slut.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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