she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
