see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
