So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
