i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
