my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
