Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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