you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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