1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
