I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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