You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
