we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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