A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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