3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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