Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
wanna go halves on a baby?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
