It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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