Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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