my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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