Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
