ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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