the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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