theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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