In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
