I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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