C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
