I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
