So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She needs sedatives and a leash
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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