I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Soap is not a condiment
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
