I think i peed on brittanys purse
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
