You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
