I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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