Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
