she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
