Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
