I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
