I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The uberlube is also flammable
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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