she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
