I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have post one night stand depression
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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