peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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