i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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