just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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