So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
