but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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