no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
