if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
