I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
