i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got inside last night via doggy door
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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