My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't deserve a penis
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
