yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
