you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
