life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize