I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
