my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize