i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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