dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think people are normalizing furries
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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