I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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