If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
