Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
