Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
